"9/11 and My Story: Responding to What Others Fear – A Life Between Emergencies"

By Suhadee Henriquez, LCSW — The Flying Psychotherapist

As the anniversary of September 11 approaches, a familiar weight returns to my chest — the kind that never fully leaves. I carry that day, and all it symbolizes, in my bones. It was the day that forever changed our skies, our country, our innocence — and those of us who responded.

I am a first responder.Not just in uniform — but in spirit, in memory, and in mission.

I have served as a flight attendant, trained to act when others freeze — to resuscitate, evacuate, de-escalate, and reassure at 30,000 feet. I have seen people at their most vulnerable, scared, and disconnected from themselves. I’ve responded mid-air when lives were on the line and there was no hospital to call. We were it. We always are.

And now, I serve as a therapist, walking with people through their own internal emergencies — trauma, grief, panic, depression, PTSD. What I’ve come to understand is this: emergencies don’t only happen on planes.

They happen inside of people. Every day.

So yes — I am a first responder.I respond to what others fear. I hold steady in crisis. I live between emergencies.

The Emotional Labor We Carry

There’s a term for what many first responders do — often without acknowledgment: emotional labor. It was originally coined to describe the invisible work of flight attendants — who are trained to smile through chaos, maintain safety during emergencies, and soothe fear with calm, even when our own bodies are trembling.

But emotional labor isn’t exclusive to the sky. It lives in ERs, firehouses, classrooms, therapy rooms, and beyond.

Like many of us who serve, I’ve built cages inside myself — not to trap rage, but to mindfully hold fear, grief, and the trauma we absorb from others. I don’t unleash those feelings — I tend to them. That is the essence of emotional labor — the quiet strength of showing up fully present while holding multitudes inside.

How We Cope: Mindfulness, CBT, and Grief Work

As a psychotherapist trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindfulness-Based approaches, I’ve learned — and now teach — ways to care for the mind and body when grief resurfaces, especially during anniversaries like 9/11.

Here are a few tools that help:

🧠 CBT Skills for Grief & Trauma Triggers

• Catch and challenge distorted thoughts: When painful memories arise, ask yourself:“Is this thought helpful? Is it true? Is it kind?”Reframe catastrophizing with truth-based statements like, “I’ve survived this pain before, and I can take care of myself now.”

• Behavioral activation: Even when heavy with grief, choose a small meaningful action — texting a loved one, walking outside, or lighting a candle in remembrance.

• Cognitive flexibility: Remember that your feelings are valid and temporary. Thoughts and emotions can coexist without taking over.

🧘🏽‍♀️ Mindfulness Skills to Ground You

• 5-4-3-2-1 Technique:Name 5 things you can see,4 you can touch,3 you can hear,2 you can smell,1 you can taste.Use this to anchor yourself when overwhelmed by memories or emotion.

• Breath work: Try box breathing — inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4. Repeat. It calms your nervous system and returns you to the present.

• Self-compassion check-ins: Close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, and say to yourself,“This is a moment of pain. I am not alone. I will be kind to myself right now.”

🌿 Coping Mechanisms for Grief

• Rituals of remembrance: Light a candle, write a letter, plant something. Give your grief a safe space.

• Create boundaries with media: Limit exposure to triggering content, especially images. Curate your feed and give yourself permission to disengage.

• Connect with safe people: Grief is heavy to carry alone. Let others walk with you. Share stories. Share silence.

• Honor your duality: It’s okay to smile and cry in the same breath. Joy and grief are not opposites — they are companions.

A Call for Mindful Remembrance

This time of year is sacred. It brings up memories — some honorable, others horrific. For many, it’s a time to pause. For some, it’s a time to survive.

So please:

📸 Be mindful of the images you post.What feels like a tribute to you may reopen trauma for others. Ask yourself — “Is this honoring, or is this triggering?”

🫂 Remember with compassion, not sensationalism.We can commemorate the day without glorifying suffering.

🧠 Offer empathy — not performance.First responders are still here. Still grieving. Still carrying.

We Are Still Here — Responding, Always

Whether in the cabin or the clinic, on September 11 or on any ordinary Tuesday, I respond. That’s what first responders do. We show up. We hold the line. We heal the invisible.

To my fellow responders — flight attendants, nurses, therapists, firefighters, police, doctors, teachers, EMTs — I see your labor. I honor your heart. I carry your story in mine.

And to those who were lost — and those who still carry the weight —we will never forget.

Let us grieve with grace. Let us remember with mindfulness. Let us respond to what others fear — with courage, compassion, and care.