When the Sky Feels Heavy: Understanding Fear of Flying and How to Calm It

By The Flying Psychotherapist

There’s something breathtaking about that moment right before takeoff—engines humming, hearts racing, a rush of adrenaline that reminds us we’re alive. For many travelers, it’s a beautiful kind of excitement, the body’s way of saying, “Something wonderful is about to happen.”

But for others, that same physical reaction—the pounding heart, the shallow breath, the flood of heat—doesn’t feel like excitement at all. It feels like fear.

As both a retired international flight attendant and a psychotherapist, I’ve seen this duality up close. The sky that feels like freedom to one person can feel like panic to another. Yet, both reactions come from the same place—the nervous system’s brilliant attempt to protect us.

Fear of flying, or aerophobia, touches millions of people every year. And it’s no surprise that after each aviation headline or tragic event, those fears spike again. Our brains are wired to pay more attention to emotional stories than to statistics. While air travel remains one of the safest forms of transportation in the world, fear doesn’t listen to data—it listens to emotion.

So let’s talk about what’s really happening, and more importantly, what you can do to find calm, clarity, and control again—especially when you’re at 35,000 feet.

The Body Keeps the Flight Log

Your nervous system is your first passenger. It’s what reacts when turbulence hits or when your mind starts replaying “what if” scenarios.

The truth is, anxiety about flying isn’t just “in your head”—it’s in your body. Your body doesn’t know the difference between turbulence and danger, so it activates your fight-or-flight response: your heart races, your breathing shortens, and adrenaline surges.

But here’s the good news—you can retrain that system.By shifting from the sympathetic nervous system (the “panic gear”) to the parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” gear), you can teach your body that you’re safe, even when the skies get bumpy.

Regulation Over Distraction

Many anxious fliers try to escape their fear with distraction—scrolling, fidgeting, zoning out. But the truth is, avoidance can make fear louder.

Instead of pushing the sensations away, try bringing awareness to them. Observe them like you would clouds—passing, shifting, changing. This is where mindfulness meets aviation.

When you stop fighting turbulence—inside or outside—you begin to regulate instead of react.

In-Flight Grounding Tools

Here are a few CBT and DBT-based tools I teach my clients to use before and during flights:

1. Slow the Breath.Inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale gently through your mouth for 6.This activates your parasympathetic system—the same system pilots rely on when things get tense.

2. Anchor the Senses (5–4–3–2–1).Look for:

• 5 things you see

• 4 things you can touch

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can tasteThis grounding technique brings your attention back to the present moment—where you are safe.

3. Cool the Body.A cold drink or cool cloth on your neck or forehead helps regulate the nervous system by literally “chilling out” the fight-or-flight response.

4. Reframe the Thought (CBT Skill).Instead of thinking, “I’m not in control,” remind yourself,“I am safe. The crew is trained. This plane is built for this.”

5. Radical Acceptance (DBT Skill).Turbulence happens. Weather happens. Delays happen. The more you fight them, the more you suffer. Instead, say: “I don’t like this, but I can handle it.”

6. Create a Mantra.Choose one that feels grounding—something like,“The plane is steady, and so am I.”Repeat it with every breath.

The Psychology of Safety

When we practice these tools regularly, something powerful happens: the mind begins to trust the body again. You start to realize that fear doesn’t mean danger—it means your body is doing its job a little too well.

Therapy helps bridge that gap. In session, we work on the thoughts that fuel fear. Between sessions, you practice. The body learns safety through repetition. Each successful flight—no matter how uncomfortable—rewires your nervous system to believe: I can handle this.

A Therapist’s Reflection from the Jumpseat

There were nights when I stood by the galley, mid-flight, watching lightning ripple in the distance. The sky would open up in ways both terrifying and magnificent. And every time, I was reminded of one truth: fear and wonder can coexist.

Sometimes, you fly with both.

When you learn to make space for your fear instead of fighting it, you begin to rise differently—not despite it, but with it.

So the next time the seatbelt sign dings, take a slow breath. Place a hand over your heart. Remind yourself:You are safe. You are supported. You are stronger than this moment.

Even when the sky feels heavy, you carry calm within you.

Reflection Prompt (Journal Before You Fly):

• What does “safety” mean to me?

• How does my body tell me when I’m anxious?

• What helps me return to calm when things feel out of control?

• What would it look like to trust the process of flying—and of life—a little more today?

Su The Flying Psychotherapist

Helping You Find Calm Above the Clouds.